That’s what I get…

That’s what I get for writing in my Journal too soon. After I got done yesterday, I contemplated going to bed, or going to watch Anastasia with the family. I went to watch tv. A few moments later, my brother is sent out of the living room, and my sister was in her room, and I received a lecture.

“What are your plans for the future?” my stepdad says.

I could have sworn we had been over this at least 5 times, and not only that, my parents are the ones that changed my plans by bringing me back here. Anyway, we covered the cost of going to TSTC, why I seem to not be able to set goals, my driver’s license, my “girlfriend” (which was REALLY what made me mad), ETBU, my friends (which they proceeded to insult), making a budget (which my stepdad already has one made, they just like to throw it back at me every now and then), and taking care of my loans. I could scream!

Anyway, the girlfriend thing. Amy, you didn’t call back yesterday. That doesn’t look too good for you. You didn’t call today, that looks even worse. My parents made some kind of remark about my “girlfriend” and I, once more, corrected them on that, and my stepdad had something to say about me, having a picture of a single girl (meaning only one girl) on my desk, and she not being my “girlfriend”. We were DATING! We didn’t commit to a boyfriend/girlfriend because of a number of outstanding reasons…one of which being that I am HERE! (<- you see this? This is my, my little voice in my head screaming). Man, that made me feel bad and mad. Mad because I cannot explain to him what Amy and I were because there is not a term for it other than "dating," or "prospective" or perhaps "interested." To tell him how our dates went would only upset him more. Ugh...that would be the last thing I need. (But I didn't mind our dates, otherwise I would have said something about them when I was on one.) I may come back to the subject of Amy...but for now, I will move on, or I will be up all night... Insulting my friends is another thing that really upset me. I have not had friends like the Group at ETBU. Never. Cracky called to invite me to play cards when she came to town. When my mom asked who was calling before she transferred the call to me, Cracky said "This is Amanda from ETBU." Now, I can picture Amanda saying that, not meaning anything by it, only to be funny/amusing. My mom, however took it as her being snooby and stuck up. "No wonder my son is a big head...he hangs around people like that!" she says. Well, the people she refers to (without meeting them) form the biggest group of Christian friends on the campus of ETBU, accepting anyone and everyone, just as they are. So...needless to say, I was upset for the rest of the evening, which ended after the lecture. This morning, I finally learned the paperwork for DQ. I don't know why it took 2.5 years to learn something so easy. The first manager I worked for was supposed to train me, then the second, third, and finally the 4th one did, because I have the most senority there except for him (perhaps continual work experience is a better word). Well I worked all day, and was behind for most of it because of learning something new before I was done with everything else. As soon as we opened the doors, people came in and ordered food...that doesn't happen too often, and it set me back too. I worked from 8:20 to 6:05 because the night shift leader called in sick. I sent Rita home because she wasn't doing so how, and Amanda's (not cracky, but Amanda that works at DQ) grandfather died on Christmas Eve night, so she couldn't come in and I called my brother in. I was pretty much beat when I got home. I worked on how much it would cost to go to TSTC in the fall, and it's over 3000 for 4 years, including the fees and books it is probably around $4500 for the 2 years. That's pretty good. (hmm...I looked up just now and saw Amy's picture smiling at me. It made me happy... 🙂 ). I've lost my train of thought.... Oh, yeah. I can now start all over with my degree...if I want. What I want to do really is become a robophysicst, and design/work with robots. But I do'nt know how fesaible that is. I have wanted to do that since last summer after reading a 600 pg collection of short stories by Issac Asimov called "Machines that think." Good book. I read every story. We'll see how that goes this fall though. Back to Amy. What I am going to do is give her the rest of the week, until next Wednesday, maybe even Friday to call. I will include a statement in the letter I have got mostly written about this matter, since she will not see this journal entry until the fall on the internet (as you see it now). I am going to send a picture I drew for her, and I Will work on a poem for my next letter. Hopefully she will write back, and/or come see me on the 20th of before. I miss her, readlly, but what my parents said cut deep, as well as them pointing out all the negative aspects of a girl not calling back. I can see it their way, but they can't see it mine. Perhaps the number in her cell phone is not my number since I used a calling card to place the call. Therefore she can't call me back...unless she re-reads my email that has my phone number on it. But I could be wrong. She could have fallen for Mike...who's Mike? Most likely he is just an older college guy that all the girls fall for, so he doesn't really care that she may/may not like him...he's just doing it to pass the time until he can find someone better...for him (which goes back to yesterday's comment on "how can they find anyone better?") Anyway, it's 10:00, bedtime. Laterz. Song in my head: "I'm still here" - John Reismick Craving: TacoBell Mood: Tired/Disturbed Thought: "My thoughts are too random to focus on one thing, but I can think of Amy." Quote: "I want a moment to be real...Want to touch things I don't feel...'Cause I'm still here." - John Resimick