[67 in : ? out]
This breaking news tops the weather this morning. I am even having a problem steadying my hand to write this legibly. It always happens this way to me when I find out my life is going to change drastically.
My parents have expressed that I have no more chances. I am going to be moving to my dad’s PDQ. This change is both good and bad in different ways. It is “good” in that I will be able to do what I want to do; and it is “bad” in that I won’t have the structured and rigid rules that I have grown up with, but lost while at college.
My stepdad is going to find a way to pay off the car, and then we are going to load it and the truck up, and tell my dad I am coming to see him. And that will basically dump me off there.
There will be better job opportunities, but mentally it will make me appear a failure to yet another person.
I have also found out that my parents pulled the TSTC option because I would have used their Internet at TSTC to do work like I did at ETBU. Well…surprise, surprise. They didn’t tell me the truth. Oh well.
I have mixed feelings about going to my dad’s and how my reactions should be when I get there. I am also concerned if I was right that he won’t take me in. Sure, he could; but why would he? I haven’t spoken to him in 1.5 years when he didn’t buy my computer like he said he would.
Well, I’ll have to write my friends when my address changes. I was going to write Jamie and Lindsey today, and still have Jay’s letter on my desk. It has since become out of date. I’ll probably have to start a new one.
Anyway, work today was slow because it iced last night. But, with my not having a car, I don’t depend on nice weather. So I walked.
I was surprised to see the die-hard “coffee drinkers” make it this morning, although they were 15 minutes late. I was also surprised that we ran as much money as we did during the day-shift. My brother came home early because the night shift ran less than $100.00.
Well, I don’t have much more to say. I’m sure I will tomorrow though when it all soaks in. I am going to start training Zadra to take my position, and Tom to become a shift Leader. Even though Steve doesn’t know what’s coming, I do, and I hate to leave a bad taste in a company’s “mouth” after I leave. I’ll need to get Andrea in there, and maybe a girl named Candice to be trained to work. It will be tough to find someone to fill my spot, but I will need to get some people trained to do it. Hopefully it won’t crash the company when I leave.
Laterz.
- Song in my head: Always – Saliva
- Craving: Biscuits
- Mood:Estranged / Concerned
- Thought: “Hmm…What am I going to do at my dad’s?”
- Quote: “It’s ya birthday…” – 50 Cent
1 Comment
Neo · January 17, 2020 at 9:20 pm
2020:
I don’t think I could clearly express the news of getting kicked out of the house at this age…in this format..with my limited writing skills.
I probably still can’t express it for all the same reasons. Suffice it to say that at the time, I lived in a Christian bubble of ETBU and whatever my parents told me was the truth, and nothing else could convince me that they were wrong or that they would have misled my understanding of the world.
And then to hear that the person they railed against my whole life, someone who they claimed did not have any of the same values, and salvation, and morals as we did…that they were going to drop me off on this person’s doorstep and drive away, leaving me to effectively be taken in or homeless – all the same, and without difference…
What do you say to something like that? How do you even begin to comprehend that the mother who had taken care of you would allow the step-spouse to cast you aside, with claims that your spiritual life will end, you’ll probably backslide and end up in hell, and a paraphrased equivalent of “[we will go on with our lives just fine after you’re gone]” sentiment.
I was shocked. I pulled together all the few responsibilities I had in my life, and made sure they would not be impacted. I snuck things into the few belongings I could take with me on the first trip, to maintain some semblance of my identity. And I prepared for all the bad things they said or implied would come to me.
And – they were wrong on everything, save one point. I did backslide. I slide so far back I unsubscribed from religion altogether. But not because of my dad… but because of how these supposedly Christian parents treated their own son…and not just that day, but years later when my mom got back in touch with me, and kicked me out of her life again over email saying “don’t contact me until you’re less like your father.”
Bitch, I took a DNA test, and it turns out I’m 50% my father…but I can certainly finish out my life with 0% of you in it.
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