Groundhog Day…I haven’t heard yet whether or not he saw his shadow. It’s not important though, he’s usually wrong.
Anyway…church…yeah. My parents wrote me a note “I expect you to pay attention instead of reading your Bible.” The nature of the “problem” is bizarre. They want me to listen to a guy, from whom I am not learning anything, instead of reading my bible, from what I am learning. It doesn’t make sense to me. So I just paid attention. I can’t tell you what he preached on though. It wasn’t deep enough to move me.
I was bored today, so I set my mind (after may weeks and days of pondering the problem) to fixing my brother’s computer – but for myself. And, after 5-6 hours, I did. I had two working hard drives of Windows 3.1. However when I shut one down, it stopped working properly. I may have to work on that more another time.
But even though I invested 6 hours of my computer expertise into his computer, my parents won’t let me use it. I fixed the DANG thing! I should be able to use it for at least word processing! But they say if I start using computers in this house, I will lose my “place of residency sooner than expected.” In other words, I’m going to to be kicked out.
The thing that boggles my mind is how they tell me that not becoming a computer programmer is a waste of a gift, but when I try to develop my “gift” I have the very imminent potential of being kicked out of the house.
The whole family uses the computer but me. My brother and stepdad spend a majority of their free time playing Age of Empires. So I spent the majority of my time doing something more productive…a whole lot more productive. They are either jealous that I know so much for not using one, or think that I am going to do something illegal, or whatever. The point is, it’s discriminating.
They say if I have time to play on the computer, then I have time to be working another job, finding another job, or mowing lawns. NO!!! Not on Sundays!!! I am working on this computer on Sunday! I will not be mowing, or working, or looking for work on Sunday. I am not even supposed to be doing the abstract duties of a manager at DQ on Sunday. So why can’t I used my computer on Sunday when I don’t do anything?!
On another note. I know that a lot of my journal entries seem negative. But it is extremely hard to be positive when my parents are negative to me. I haven’t heard anything positive. I think the last time I hard my mom tell me she loved me was when I was at ETBU, early my sophomore year on the phone with her. And she wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t say it first. I don’t get hugs, kisses, positive comments,…nothing.
I guess that is why I cherished every moment I spent with the Group. I would always get at least one hug from someone, or hear something positive…even if it was a “Hey Chilly” when I walked into the lobby. I miss that. I miss talking to people that could relate, and I miss listening to people I could relate to. I miss giving relationship advice. I miss asking for advice for my relationships. I miss everything I had at school, and never missed anything that I left at home.
I see the picture of the Group on my desk, and remember all the fun I had. It’s been 44 days since I left ETBU, and it will be 364 days or less until I can get back online to talk to any of them. Tomorrow night I will revisit the specific things I remember about most of the Group. But for now, I’m out. Laterz.
- Song in my head: Disease – 3 Doors Down
- Craving: Pizza
- Mood: Sad / Frustrated
- Thought: “I miss using my computer almost as much as I miss my friends; I guess that is because I got to know most of them online.”
- Quote: “Hey Chilly!” – Cracky, Ica, and/or Loven would call out when I came to the Lobby.
